What’s in a naming ceremony?

Dear boys,

Yesterday, more than three years later than first planned, delayed by Covid, Rupert, and cancer, disrupted by trains, and other chaos, we finally had your humanist naming ceremony. It was worth the wait. I hope that you boys will be able to look back happily on the script, the values we celebrated together, and the promises we made.

Creating our own meaning

In the run up to Sunday it felt a bit like Christmas in July. After so much delay and cancelation part of me worried that it would feel perfunctory. Sometimes – particularly when you don’t you don’t have your meaning sanctioned by religion or majority society- you have to just decide that something is meaningful. This is an important part of the humanist experience.

The ceremony was deeply meaningful to us, and through that and people’s response, it became meaningful to everyone involved. From sharing your names and the stories behind them, to Gran Gran’s reading of ‘Oh the Places You’ll Go’, to adding a big brother bead to your ‘beads of courage’ collection and us all singing ‘Beautiful Boy’ like Grandpa used to, it all had meaning.

Community

The day before the ceremony you (Teddy) got a fever, and once again it was off to the local hospital. By special arrangement, you were allowed out between your morning and afternoon IV. Everything felt chaotic as we rushed around to source a sound system at the last moment, and then I was setting up by myself, and there weren’t enough chairs and there were problems with the food. But in some ways, the chaos was great as it meant that there was a lot to do for all the people who wanted to help.

One of the most important themes in the ceremony and in our decision to have a naming ceremony was wanting to recognise the important adults that make up our community and wider chosen family. We want you both to grow up with a range of role models and people you can feel safe going to with anything.

Values in action

Before you (Teddy) were born, we’d pretty much decided that we wanted to have a naming ceremony for your first birthday. At the time, we were unsure if we would get a celebrant, or look at the literature and design our own meaningful ceremony. Actually becoming a father led me to more centralise humanism within my nonreligious identity. And at the time, we were not as aware of the professionalism, quality and impact that a Humanists UK celebrant would bring. Though we attended a wonderful humanist ceremony just a few days before you (Teddy) were born. My father’s humanist funeral cemented our decision.

As humanists we don’t tend to proselytise and often don’t see the point. But what we can do is model our humanism. So many people’s first encounter with humanism and realisation that it is a label that might apply to them or others in their lives is a humanist ceremony.

Paying for a professional wasn’t just about professional quality, it was a way of putting our values into tangible action. If we want there to be humanist communities and services and professionals available to you, if and when you need them, then we need to support them now.

Celebration

Above all else, Sunday was a celebration of you two boys, and the family we’ve created. There were no expectations put on you. You both engaged with the parts that you wanted; Rupert clapping, and Teddy clutching your ‘medal’ ( your big brother bead). After missing so many important milestones and family get-togethers over the last few years, with covid and cancer, it was so important to see (almost) everyone together celebrating life, and looking to the future.

Photo information: Teddy & Rupert big and little brother beads, special painted stones and naming ceremony programme, by Alastair Lichten, all rights reserved.